Meet Lea Lily
Updated: Sep 9, 2019
Hi I’m Lea.
If you had met me a year ago, you would have met someone faking having it together on the outside but crumbling on the inside.
Let me explain.
I grew up in the very beautiful and very white (both in people and snow) town of Park City, Utah. Looking around and seeing few faces like mine (except my sister and my family), I was very shy and struggled to fit in both school and the community. With two wildly successful parents each with their own business that affected huge change in people’s lives and organizations across the globe, I yearned to make an impact but didn’t ever feel powerful enough to assert myself. Anxiety and fear paralyzed me as the doubt of not being good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough plagued my mind. I thought these fears and my anxiety were just a part of who I was and that it would always be a part of my life! Little did I know that comparing myself to an impossible standard and that didn’t need to be the case.
I found solace in the arts and theater. I loved connecting with people and learning about humans and their interactions through performance. What motivated them, what they loved, I could step into these different people’s live and try on another perspective in an environment that was safe. This environment also encouraged us to do a bit of work on ourselves, to figure out who we were to separate us from the characters we played but also to show us how we were similar.
I was lucky enough to continue to do this work up through college but the world of acting in college was tough on me. It felt more competitive and less like a fun exploration. Suddenly the work all had a goal, the goal of “making it”, whatever that meant. I wasn’t open or in much of a place to be seen by my peers when in acting school. I felt judged, ashamed, not good enough and before I knew it those childhood insecurities rose up and overtook me again. They didn’t leave for all four years I was in college except in those brief moments of being someone else and feeling deep connection onstage. I left college anxious and unsure of myself and did not want to continue my acting journey after I left.
What I didn’t realize then was that I was desperate to continue discovering myself and to find alignment. I had done bits of this discovery work since middle school and I truly thought acting was the only way to do that deep discovery work. I was heartbroken when I left college without many chances to do that work, no professors to guide me through it, no guide book as to how to keep going.
I wanted to be seen and I wanted to be heard but what I didn’t know was that I was holding myself back from that by not exploring myself, by not looking internally, by not asking myself what it was I truly wanted and who I truly wanted to be, by not defining and going after my own true alignment. What I didn’t know then is that I could be anyone I wanted, just like I was doing onstage, only it could be true in my real life and that I could fill it with things that felt good and truly aligned with me.
I worked odd jobs for a while, fitness front desk, circus school office administrator, swim teacher. These jobs offered bits and piece of connection which felt similar to those connected moments onstage, but something was missing, they weren’t in full alignment. I become more and more discouraged and disheartened that I would ever be able to find my place. I felt lower than low, like I had no control, my anxiety was spinning out of control faster than I could hold on to it, I just felt like a big fat failure.
Suddenly in the midst of all this chaos, when I was at my lowest low I had ever been, I realized that what I wanted was important, my dreams and thoughts and voice were important and before I knew what I was doing, I quit my job and started my own business.
Fast forward a year later, I was exhausted unaligned and quickly loosing inspiration. I had taken on a second side business hustle and was working over 40 hours a week (mostly unpaid) desperately trying to create a business that better suited me and aligned with what I truly wanted. While to the outside world I looked like a girl who had two business that were successful and like I was living a carefree life, I was actually struggling to keep it all together and working a stressful amount.
What it took me a long time to realize was that I didn’t really know myself. I didn’t truly know what alignment meant or looked like for me personally. I had never taken the time to get to know the real Lea, away from my family and acting school and everything I thought made up who I was. It was that inner work that was missing! How could I expect others to know me if I didn’t even know myself? How could I be aligned in my life if I hadn’t created my won personal alignment filter? I had become so concerned with how it all looked that I wasn’t taking the time to look inward.
Indulging in the inner work changed me. I felt like had finally awakened to life, MY life. I realized that we are in constant process even when we think we’ve “made it”, and I had thought there were a lot of places I had already “made it”.
I learned that creating alignment and clarity both internally and externally helps us to manifest our dream self and dream life. And that there are so many wonderful and magical tools I could use to explore this.
I finally began to feel happiness EVERY SINGLE DAY not dependent on others or situations around me.
I began to really delve in to the deep questions and inner work that you don’t get in any school or acting class.
I began to work on myself independent of a character and just really find out who Lea Lily was.
This journey is where I find joy and excitement.
Astrology and tarot is where I find magic and understanding.
This growth, journey and exploration is what changes our lives.
Our perspectives are all we have and changing our perception and thinking can change our reality.
It 100% changed mine.